As this new year rolls around, I'd really like to look at it as a fresh start; a new start; a new beginning; anything other than what 2013 entailed. To sum it up, 2013 was a really crappy year for us fertility wise. However, many of the events of 2013 changed my life forever and taught me some really valuable life lessons that I'm not sure I could have learned without enduring the things I did. (I could do an entire blog of the life lessons infertility has brought us)
A lot of the worst days of my life happened in 2013. It will be a year to remember, that is for sure. But without those hard times, I wouldn't be in the state of mind I am today. Yes, that state changes rather quickly, but overall I feel like I'm in a healthy place to be able to look back at the last year, learn from all situations, count my blessings, reflect and grow.
- Our infertility struggles have made our marriage so strong that nothing can break it. We have grown together and stood firm together through the thick and thin. We now know what each other is made of (literally, ha!). At times it wasn't pretty (i.e. the ugly cry times 100, disagreements, having to feel emotions so deep we didn't know they existed, devastation, anger, frustration, etc.) but in the end we would center around each other and pray. The power of prayer is amazing and when a husband and wife pray together there is no greater your bond will ever feel than those moments.
- Perspective. Wow. How my perspective has changed! I feel like I'm a totally different person than the girl who nonchalantly threw the rest of her birth control pills in the drawer in September 2012 thinking she'd be pregnant soon. If I could only warn that girl what was to come.
In general the way I view others has changed. I feel like I'm less selfish and I take the time to look at their life through their lens instead my self-centered, egotistical world view I had before. I really didn't care how other people felt, what they were going through, or even try to empathize with them. Now I feel compassion and empathy for even the smallest things. I try to understand what it is to walk a mile is their shoes. I'd say I've done as much maturing in the last year as I had in the last 10 combined. Growing up is not as much fun as I thought it would be. But I am so thankful to have a new perspective on life.
- Strength - When you feel like you cannot go on, but you do....The strength we have been able to muster within our selves and each other is tremendous and an accomplishment in itself. The strength to walk into those office doors and endure another treatment, the strength it takes to pick yourself up off the ground every month. Strength is something I didn't know I had until I had no other choice.
- Friendships - I've gained some really terrific friendships through this hardship, 2 in particular. They are dear friends who have gone through the same things and have been here for me every step of the way. They are my confidants, my shoulder to cry on, and the people I vent to. They have shown me how to be a real friend, I mean a REAL friend and I'm so thankful for them. As one of them put it, "infertility is a sorority that no one wants to be invited to" but like sorority sisters, she will be a sister to me for life.
We are hoping and praying that in 2014 we will continue to grow and learn from our experiences. We hope for our miracle. Sometimes we get so mad at our "drunk stork", although he isn't finding his way as quick as we'd like, I can now look back in our rearview mirror (with a new perspective) at 2013 and see there was meaning in those detours and maybe our stork had to take a few extra pit stops along the way, but it was because WE also needed those pit stops for whatever reason. 2014 brings us tremendous hope. I'll be visiting with our RE late February to map out our plans and try a new route. We know the issues with my husband, we know the issues with me, we at least know what we are battling. I have a feeling 2014 is going to be a great year! I'm sure there will be plenty of ups and downs, but we sure will continue to our destination no matter what 2014 has in store. Happy New Year!
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